Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
