My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
