he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
