I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
