You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
