Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
