we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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