What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
