Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
