I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
