i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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