Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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