I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
