You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
