This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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