Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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