Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
