wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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