why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
