I wish my penis had an off switch
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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