so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
