youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
