I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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