FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
