I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
