Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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