I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
