Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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