I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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