cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
