you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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