you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
