I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
