i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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