Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
