I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
