i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
