end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
