i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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