Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
