Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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