We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
