so that wasnt chicken after all
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
