If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
