You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can't motorboat a personality
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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