When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
