i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
