i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
