The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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