I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
