well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
