peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
