Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
